In relationships, when your partner is overly friendly with someone else, it can cause jealousy to rear its ugly head. Swingers are no different, and jealousy can cause issues, especially with newbie couples.
The decision to swap partners needs to be a mutual agreement between two people and not one-sided. So hopefully, when you decide to stick your toe in the deep end of the pool, both of you are looking forward to exploring the Lifestyle.
As someone who’s stepped on his dick many times, I’d like to offer some advice if you’re thinking about throwing your house keys in a bowl on Saturday night.
Think About Your Partner’s Feelings – As a guy, it was like being locked in a candy store, and I was lucky that Wifey cut me some slack. Also, we were fortunate that our group was comprised of many easy-going couples. The club had been in existence for a long time and consisted of about two hundred couples. Before throwing your partner to the wolves, make sure they are comfortable with the situation.
House Parties – We recommend that, if possible, don’t try one on one initially unless you both agree on the other couple. It’s common for one to be excited about getting with another person. But, your spouse is not thrilled with their counterpart, and they are kind of stuck. This is called a “charity fuck” when you end up getting with someone you are not overly attracted to. When you are with another couple, the choices are limited. A house party will often be five to fifteen couples, and you don’t have to party with your spouse’s partner as you can get with someone else. If you or your partner are not attracted to anyone, it’s easier to get lost in the crowd.
Ground Rules – Set up ground rules of conduct beforehand but don’t blow up if your partner bends the rules. For example, if you tell your wife not to get into the orgy and then while you’re waiting your turn, you discover that she’s been pulling a train and your last at bat.
Seriously, if you agree not to do something, try to keep your word. By the same token, if your partner bends the rules, bite your lip and don’t blow up. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, you forget and screw up. Exchanging partners is a big step and can sometimes be a struggle until you work out the sticking points.
Divorce is almost unheard of with swingers as there is little reason to split up. Generally most marriages typically fail because of infidelity or money. I can’t help you with money, but if you need some strange stuff, just go to a house party.
Jealousy – It’s common to be jealous when your partner is getting their lights drilled out, and that’s natural. Keep in mind that this is not a sordid romance in the backseat of a car but two people having consensual, no strings attached sex. If at all possible, both of you get lucky at the same time. It’s hard to be pissed at your wife when you are getting laid yourself.
We don’t believe in excessive kissing, as kissing is more intimate than fucking. It may sound stupid, but I would get in a lot more trouble giving some girl a foot massage than if I screwed her.
We’ve been swingers for many years, and it’s been a wonderful experience. Indeed, there have been issues, but we’ve worked through them. Once you are more comfortable with your other half doing the nasty, these problems will typically disappear.
I’m Larry Archer and I write erotic stories for the huddled yearning masses. Foxy and I are swingers in real life and I write about the things we do and see. While the Lifestyle is not for everyone, it’s been fun for us. My smut is explicit and hardcore but with a somewhat plot involved. My porn stories are generally positive and fun as this reflects how enjoyable swinging has been to us. If you’re interested in checking out my stories, I publish at all the typical outlets.
Wise advice, Larry!
I know from experience that it’s hard to find a couple where the attraction is equally strong for both partners. That’s what we were always looking for, to be honest… but never really completely found.
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I agree, Lisabet. Especially when it’s the first time you party because we are driven by visual clues more than overall ones. I know it’s wrong, but I’m attracted to someone by their looks initially, and so if the woman of a couple doesn’t appeal to me, it can be an initial turn-off. With Foxy, it is more personality or dick size, LOL. I’ll never forget the first time we partied with a couple, and my wife saw his over ten-inch cock. She was on her knees instantly, and I had never seen her react like that with a guy. I’m reasonably big myself, but he put me to shame. Once you get to know someone, you are more likely to party with them as you look beyond looks. I can count, on one hand, the number of couples we’ve both got with when we first met.
I tell people who want to swing that they have to be very grown-up to do this and to get rid of any insecurities that they have. Some guys think this is the shit… until they see their wife getting laid and having the time of her life. I’ve attended parties and never had sex with anyone other than my wife and I’ve seen others go through this and it’s affected them in a bad way: No one likes being rejected for sex. The lifestyle insists that it isn’t personal… but it sure as hell is given how individuals deem someone attractive enough to have sex. And if you can’t get used to that, well, don’t swing.
I’ve gone to parties and have seen those poor people just looking lost because they’re not having sex and have gone over to them and said, “Let’s do it!” because I’m not all that “attracted” to people but I am very much attracted to having sex. Being a very oral kind of guy, ya don’t have to be good-looking or whatever for me to go down on you – just lie back and enjoy it because I know I will, you know, if ya don’t mind. But, yeah, the lifestyle can be harsh for newbies because the lifestyle isn’t what a lot of people think it is.
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I agree with what you’re saying and it’s hard to lay down hard rules as a lot depends on the people involved. I know people who couldn’t get laid if their life depended on it and others who get their brains fucked out.
Those hard rules are often at fault since they’re created to protect the relationship more than they allow them to freely have sex… and methinks that defeats a lot of the “purpose” in swinging. You can’t have hangups and be highly inhibited. You shouldn’t read anymore into this than having sex and understanding that sex is a damned powerful thing that can shatter those hard rules. And rejection is what it’s always been and not owned by the swinging lifestyle. And it very much sucked to be in a room with a lot of naked people having sex and you’re just watching. And if you can’t thicken your skin enough to not be bothered by this very inherent behavior in the lifestyle, don’t even think about swinging.
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