My second novel in the House Party series is now over 72,000 words and is probably going to be the largest story I’ve ever written. The mommy and daddy, House Party, is about 85,000 words or the size of a typical novel you buy at Wally World. House Party 2 will probably be over 90,000 words, but who the hell knows?
I usually have the vaguest of ideas on how one of my smut stories will end up as my characters seem to have a mind of their own and for some reason, typing “The End” has always been problematic for me. Every time I get everyone corralled, someone busts out of the pack and runs off!
HP2 has turned out to be a somewhat mini-series and I think it will spawn HP3. HP3 may, in fact, cross over into a crime story with an erotic component. Spoiler Alert: HP2 has a pregnant nun named Sister Ruth no less, and the Monsignor, who has asked Larry to help him terminate the pregnancy. She was forced into a sexual relationship with priests, I guess there weren’t enough young boys around?
While I haven’t finished that part of the story yet, I’m planning on throwing in some bad guys from Rome, who will try and bring their runaway nun back home. The problem I have now is that there seems to be no end to the story.
Normally, with stroke stories, they are 5-10,000 words or long enough to do the dirty deed in the bathroom. According to Scrivener, it will take five hours to read the story as it now stands, which will likely be six to seven hours finished.
While I initially groused about Scrivener, I’m slowly warming up to it. Scrivener is a word processing program for writers and handles chapters as separate entities rather than one long document as Word does. The program is about $50 for PC or Mac and a little cheaper if you buy both sets.
I like the fact that I can use my beloved MacBook Air or a Windows PC interchangeably to edit the story. Using DropBox cloud storage, the file formats are the same and I can go from Mac to PC without making any changes. At $50 a pop, it’s definitely cheaper than Word especially since Microsoft dropped the original Home Use Program and started leasing you the software, which aggravates me but that’s a whole nuther story.
If you have older versions of Microsoft Office, don’t throw them away as now you’ll pay over $100 a year for the privilege of using them. Adobe did the same thing with LightRoom. I’m currently using version 6.x LightRoom but when I purchase my new Canon mirrorless camera, I’ll have to go to their monthly plan of $10/month to load the digital RAW formats.
The concept of actually owning software is becoming a thing of the past and while there are replacements for Word and LightRoom, you give up a lot and you never “own” the product. Stop paying, and it stops working!
Well, that’s enough ranting for the day. Just let me say that I’m not a happy camper about software that you have to lease.
Speaking of priests and nuns here’s an R-rated snippet from House Party 2, where the monsignor drops off a PG nun at The Fox’s Den. This is still in the draft stage and so don’t beat me up if I misspelled something or lost a comma. Enjoy!
==== Snippet from House Party 2, Coming Soon ====
He had just sat his coffee down when the interoffice phone rang with a call from the front door, “Larry, you’re not going to believe this, but there are a priest and a nun to see you!”
“Send them back to my office,” he said and then buzzed the bar and requested a pot of tea and a pot of coffee.
Getting up, he slipped on his sports coat as the priest might be upset that he was carrying a gun. Just as he walked around the desk, Linda walked in with the guests. As usual, she was minimally dressed and from the expression on the Monsignor’s face, it was a shock to see her in a cut-off wife-beater t-shirt and jean miniskirt.
“Father Murphy, how nice to see you so soon. You could have just called and saved yourself the embarrassment of visiting my den of inequity,” Larry replied with a smile on his face.
The Monsignor quickly grabbed Larry’s hand and shook it vigorously. Turning to the nun, he said, “Larry, this is Sister Ruth, Sister, this is my good friend Larry Archer.”
The nun was in her early twenties, plain-looking, with short brown mousy hair. Larry could tell that she’d be very pretty with makeup and a hairdo. She mumbled something but wouldn’t look Larry in the eyes.
“Sit, please,” Larry said as he pointed to two chairs in front of his desk.
Sister Ruth quickly sat and looked down as she folded her hands in her lap. The Monsignor was obviously nervous as he paced back and forth. Then he noticed the pictures on the wall and started to look at them.
“This is one of the mayor’s favorite pictures of him and your wife at the Bikini Charity Car Wash,” he stated as he leaned in to carefully study it.
“I know,” Larry replied. “He always mentions that picture.” The mayor and Foxy were standing beside the mayor’s limousine, and Foxy appeared to be virtually topless with her wet wife-beater t-shirt clinging to her like a second skin. Her nipples were clearly on display as the thin ribbed cotton hid nothing.
Studying the poster size picture, the Monsignor noted, “She has pierced nipples, doesn’t she? Is it polite for me to ask a personal question of your wife?”
“Sure,” Larry laughed. “She’s certainly not making any effort to hide them.”
Taking his fingertips, the priest touched Foxy’s nipples on the picture and shaking his head, took a seat. “Who is that big redhead?” He asked.
“That’s Chrissy, our girlfriend,” Larry offered. He didn’t want to go into a more in-depth description of their living arrangement unless the priest asked more pointed questions.
“Larry, you lead an interesting life,” the Monsignor replied as Linda walked in with a tray of refreshments. It was a welcome break as it gave the priest something to do as he poured himself a cup of tea and picked up a donut.
“I really shouldn’t,” he exclaimed as he bit into the donut. “These are delicious,” he exclaimed as the front of his shirt was covered in glaze flakes.
“There is a small donut shop on Charleston near I-15 that makes these, and they are some of the best I’ve ever tried. Our head of security is an ex-cop and they always have a nose for the tastiest donut shops.”
The nun took a half cup of tea and was nibbling on a donut as Larry broached the subject, “What can I do for you today, Father?”
“Larry, this is embarrassing, and I was hoping that you could offer some advice. Sister Ruth here is pregnant and I’m at a loss to know what to do?”
“Father, I know the church’s position on this and am not sure what I can do. How about just telling me what you would like to happen?”
“Larry, I want to terminate Sister Ruth’s pregnancy, before this gets completely out of hand,” the priest confessed. “How can we do this?”
Looking at Ruth, who continued to look at her feet, with her hands clasped in her lap, Larry asked, “Ruth, what do you want? Do you want to end the pregnancy?”
“Yes,” she answered in a small voice, barely above a whisper.
“I’m sure you can understand, the church cannot be involved in this, and I’m probably going to hell for even mentioning it,” the priest interrupted. “I’m already dreading my next confession.”
“Ruth, if it’s okay with you, would you stay with me until we get this taken care of? That way, no one has to know anything. Can her absence be explained?”
“Yes, certainly,” the priest said. “I’ll just say that she was called back home for a family emergency, and you can have all the time you need.”
“Ruth, is this okay with you?”
“Thank you. I’d like that,” she replied and looked up at Larry with obvious relief on her face.
“Any expenses, just tell me and I’ll get you the money,” the Father stated.
“Don’t worry about it,” Larry replied. “I think we can take care of this without you having to dip into the tithing box.”
“Thank you, Larry,” the priest said. “And there is one other minor problem. You may have heard rumors of the Catholic Mafia, who are similar to the Italian mob except with robes and crosses.”
Larry thought for a second before replying, “I think I’ve heard mention of them. But don’t worry, we can deal with them if the need arises. The big thing is to stick to the story that Ruth is dealing with a family emergency, and you don’t know any of the details, much less where she’s at.”
Clearly relieved, Father Murphy left after getting Sister Ruth’s bag from the car.
==== End of Snippet ==
For more on erotica from Larry Archer, click this link.
“Erotica from the Dirty Mind of Larry Archer”