Anal Relaxing Spray – WTF?

Anal Relaxing CreamSo I’m sitting in the family room with wifey as we wait for time to go see Jurassic World. She DVR’s all these shows that I can’t stand and as I always tell her, “Isn’t our life bizarre enough?” We’re watching the Real Housewives of New York and they start talking about Anal Relaxing Spray.

Wifey looks at me and asks, “Do you know what that is?” I haven’t a clue but can kind of guess but it seems too weird to be true. Grabbing my MacBook Air I search and find that it is a product that promises “The anal sphincter becomes relaxed and therefore penetration becomes comfortable.

Why didn’t they just say that it numbs your ass so when you get butt fucked, it doesn’t hurt!

My wife replies, “But it doesn’t hurt in the first place! And why would you want a dick up your ass if you couldn’t feel it?”

Let me tell you, if your husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend is ass fucking you, it shouldn’t hurt in the first place otherwise you may be doing it wrong.

This is all very simple if you follow a few easy to remember rules:

  1. If you have a virgin backdoor, get some good lube.
  2. Start by easing your finger in and working the lube inside to grease you up. A good way to start is for the girl to stick her finger up her ass while she’s getting screwed. If the girl does it, then she is in control and can do it as deep and fast as she wants. For the guy, rubbing his dick from her anus feels really good and makes it twice as easy for him to get off.
  3. Naturally keep your nails trimmed and short especially if you’re into girls also as you are not as likely to nick her with a fingernail.
  4. Once you get used to one finger then advance to two fingers. You’ll find that the more you do it, the easier it is to relax and open up.
  5. After doing that for awhile and maybe moving up to a vibrator or butt plug, it’s time for the real thing.
  6. Lube up his cock and help him guide it in. Spooning works well as he’s laying on the bed and doesn’t have to worry about supporting himself above you. If you going for missionary, then pull your legs up to help rotate your behind up. Or if you want to get really down and dirty, get on your knees with your chest on the bed and your butt up in the air. The guy or your girlfriend with a strapon can squat behind you and drive it home. For first timers, I’d recommend spooning with the guy in the back and the girl raising her leg to open up.
  7. The key is slow and easy, take the head of your cock, dildo, vibrator and slowly push in just a tiny bit. She can help guide you to make sure you know where it’s at. Take little short strokes and carefully go a little deeper each time.
  8. If you’re having a threesome, then have the other person kiss and stroke the victim to help her relax. The first goal is to get the head in and you can feel it pop as the sphincter muscle relaxes and lets it in. Then STOP!
  9. Leave just the head in with the sphincter muscle grabbing your dick right behind the head. Kiss her and play with her boobs and give her a minute to relax, the hard part is over.
  10. Once she’s accustomed to the head of your dick, then slowly start taking longer and longer strokes until you’re banging her as hard as you want. Always pay attention to your partner and make sure she’s getting as much out of it as you are.
  11. As you do this more and more, the initial steps get shorter as she gets more used to it and you can get to ramming speed quicker!

If she has hemorrhoids or a fissure then you will probably just have to dream about it but bottom line is that it shouldn’t hurt and if you’ve numbed your ass then you want be able to feel if it hurts.

Reading the comments on Amazon, I ran into this one and I quote:

“After a few minutes find that my hole is much more relaxed, I can take my wife’s fist with much less warm up. I think what makes this work so well is the clove oil. It has a nice smell.”

So guys after your wife gives it up to you then don’t run away when she says, “Okay, my turn!”

About LarryArcher

Larry Archer's the name, smut's my game. I am a writer of erotic literature that's generally always HEA (Happily Ever After), which typically involves no regrets sex. I write in a humorous style with a plot and suitable for reading with one hand. My stories are full of sexual situations that are often taken straight from our swinger lifestyle in Las Vegas. If you want to enjoy erotica, where every page is dripping with action, give me a try.
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14 Responses to Anal Relaxing Spray – WTF?

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    SO, um, you can do all those steps or get that stuff, make your butt relax, and then go for it? “It might hurt..l” as opposed to, “It’ll be in you before you know it…”

    Hmm…

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    • Kdaddy I bow to the man of experience but I’ll be careful and not face the other way. LOL

      Like

    • Dawn D says:

      I guess it depends on the size of ‘you’… someone who’s really thin, I guess I wouldn’t have a problem using his thing.
      But then, again, the problem is that with someone really thin, I probably wouldn’t *need* this product.
      Pain is there for a reason. It’s to warn you that something unusual, that may lead to hurt, is happening. I’d take suffering for 5 minutes (even 15) but knowing that there is no injury over not suffering when he gets in, but then having torn tissue internally that hurt for weeks.
      Plus, going through the pain is maybe a way of showing the person going at you that you care enough to stand it, isn’t it?

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  2. Dawn D says:

    I agree: this relaxant is probably more dangerous than anything. If it numbs you, you don’t feel that you’re getting hurt. It’s better to take the slow approach.
    My experience tells me though that lube may be necessary even if you are not an ass virgin. I certainly enjoy sodomy at first, but then after a while start to have uncomfortable feelings, getting cold and so on. I think I’ll have to try it with lube next time, see if (as I think) the uncomfortable symptoms ease 🙂

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  3. There are no hard and fast rules but lube will certainly make it go in easier. With some girls, you can just get it wet in the front door and then switch to the backdoor without lube. I think the biggest thing is to learn to relax so you don’t tear anything.

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    • Dawn D says:

      As I said: the getting it in isn’t the real issue with me. I think it’s more the lack of natural lubricant in that particular hole that makes it rub much too fast for my comfort and pleasure. Mind you, I probably have had at least a couple of orgasms by the time it starts to become really uncomfortable, but the guy often hasn’t 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s my problem is that I have problems cumming. Sometimes it’s like, “Get enough of it already!” I guess it’s because it feels so good that I don’t want to stop. Probably a majority of the time I can go to a party and bang two or three girls and still not get off. Strange?

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    • Dawn D says:

      I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s strange. I think it’s a combination of age, being circumcised or not (circumcised men’s penises tend to be less sensitive), and a good deal of self control, that is required when a woman isn’t a cum-machine as you so poetically put it. It is often better for the woman’s sake if the man doesn’t come in three ‘in-and-out’. So guys learn to last. And well… sometimes it doesn’t work on command any more.
      At least that’s how I’ll feel about it.
      My current partner can go a whole evening of fun without coming, though most of the time he comes once, sometimes, if he’s really horny that day, twice 😉
      It is both a blessing and a curse for the woman (women), who wonder(s) if it’s something about her (them): you know how we are such delicate things with self-esteems that often need to be boosted!…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. There are a handful of girls who can get me off reasonably quick (quick for me). Wifey knows how to push all my buttons and she’s such a slut but I don’t mind. I just save the last time for her, when we go to a party.

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