So I’m sitting in the family room with wifey as we wait for time to go see Jurassic World. She DVR’s all these shows that I can’t stand and as I always tell her, “Isn’t our life bizarre enough?” We’re watching the Real Housewives of New York and they start talking about Anal Relaxing Spray.
Wifey looks at me and asks, “Do you know what that is?” I haven’t a clue but can kind of guess but it seems too weird to be true. Grabbing my MacBook Air I search and find that it is a product that promises “The anal sphincter becomes relaxed and therefore penetration becomes comfortable.”
Why didn’t they just say that it numbs your ass so when you get butt fucked, it doesn’t hurt!
My wife replies, “But it doesn’t hurt in the first place! And why would you want a dick up your ass if you couldn’t feel it?”
Let me tell you, if your husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend is ass fucking you, it shouldn’t hurt in the first place otherwise you may be doing it wrong.
This is all very simple if you follow a few easy to remember rules:
- If you have a virgin backdoor, get some good lube.
- Start by easing your finger in and working the lube inside to grease you up. A good way to start is for the girl to stick her finger up her ass while she’s getting screwed. If the girl does it, then she is in control and can do it as deep and fast as she wants. For the guy, rubbing his dick from her anus feels really good and makes it twice as easy for him to get off.
- Naturally keep your nails trimmed and short especially if you’re into girls also as you are not as likely to nick her with a fingernail.
- Once you get used to one finger then advance to two fingers. You’ll find that the more you do it, the easier it is to relax and open up.
- After doing that for awhile and maybe moving up to a vibrator or butt plug, it’s time for the real thing.
- Lube up his cock and help him guide it in. Spooning works well as he’s laying on the bed and doesn’t have to worry about supporting himself above you. If you going for missionary, then pull your legs up to help rotate your behind up. Or if you want to get really down and dirty, get on your knees with your chest on the bed and your butt up in the air. The guy or your girlfriend with a strapon can squat behind you and drive it home. For first timers, I’d recommend spooning with the guy in the back and the girl raising her leg to open up.
- The key is slow and easy, take the head of your cock, dildo, vibrator and slowly push in just a tiny bit. She can help guide you to make sure you know where it’s at. Take little short strokes and carefully go a little deeper each time.
- If you’re having a threesome, then have the other person kiss and stroke the victim to help her relax. The first goal is to get the head in and you can feel it pop as the sphincter muscle relaxes and lets it in. Then STOP!
- Leave just the head in with the sphincter muscle grabbing your dick right behind the head. Kiss her and play with her boobs and give her a minute to relax, the hard part is over.
- Once she’s accustomed to the head of your dick, then slowly start taking longer and longer strokes until you’re banging her as hard as you want. Always pay attention to your partner and make sure she’s getting as much out of it as you are.
- As you do this more and more, the initial steps get shorter as she gets more used to it and you can get to ramming speed quicker!
If she has hemorrhoids or a fissure then you will probably just have to dream about it but bottom line is that it shouldn’t hurt and if you’ve numbed your ass then you want be able to feel if it hurts.
Reading the comments on Amazon, I ran into this one and I quote:
“After a few minutes find that my hole is much more relaxed, I can take my wife’s fist with much less warm up. I think what makes this work so well is the clove oil. It has a nice smell.”
So guys after your wife gives it up to you then don’t run away when she says, “Okay, my turn!”