Today marks twelve days since I submitted The Perfect Wife for review at Amazon, and was finally approved today! What’s funny is that the paperback version was immediately approved for release. Typically, the review process is a technical review to ensure that the resultant electronic copy is formatted properly after conversion. SmashWords immediately accepted the same story except for the front and back, but who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
I’ve switched over to Scrivener for most of my writing. The beauty of Scrivener is that the software breaks up a story into the basic parts, front matter, body, and back matter. The front matter or front of a book is the cover, title page, copyright page, and table of contents. The body is the actual story or the dirty parts. Back matter is information on other stories and about the author.
The body of the story is the same, no matter where it is published. With Scrivener, you create customized front and back matter for the distributor you are using, such as Amazon or SmashWords. Then you tell Scrivener which version to generate and it builds a Word output file of the complete story from front to back.
With Scrivener, everything is contained in blocks, similar to object-orientated programming. Each chapter is a separate block of text; by treating each chapter separately, Scrivener allows the author to jump back and forth between chapters. It will hold your place in each part of the document. That way, if you suddenly realize that a girl’s hair color was originally blond but should have been brunette, it’s simple to jump to another spot and correct it. Then when you return to the current location, you’re right back where you started. When a story is over 50,000 words, it becomes laborious to have to search for specific spots in a story.
This diatribe is because the version of the story submitted to SmashWords is pretty much identical to the one Amazon is reviewing. SmashWords converts the story into several different formats for different types of devices, and they had no problem with the original story.
Personally, I think it is a way that the original story is now converted into HTML instead of MOBI/AZW, as Amazon has done in the past. I’ve taken the original and converted into MOBI/AZW without an issue, so I don’t think the story format is screwed up. However, this seems to be a new conversion process, and I think they are trying to get that straightened out.
The story is available in both paperback and electronic formats for your reading pleasure. As with all of Larry Archer’s erotic literature, The Perfect Wife is stuffed full of explicit erotic scenes and dripping with love. You’ll be pleased to know that the Hotwife gets it in the end, with no holes barred!
Taken from the real-life experiences of a swinger couple, Larry writes with the knowledge of being there and done that. Larry Archer’s stories are all in a humorous vein and with a happy ending, as their experience in swinging has been. If you are interested in the Lifestyle, search through the blog posts at LarryArcher.blog for more information on swapping partners.
“It’s not cheating if your spouse knows.”
Below are the buy links and if you don’t have a preference, consider Kinky Literature for all your smut needs. Kinky Literature is the one-stop source for all types of erotic literature from the best authors, including yours truly. The nice thing about Kinky Literature is that they charge the same price as the other guys and don’t spray you with Lysol when you leave. All of Larry Archer’s high-brow smut is available at Kinky Literature, and feel free to wear your best raincoat with the pockets cut out.
Buy Links for The Perfect Wife:
Kinky Literature: https://www.kinkyliterature.com/book/925-the-perfect-wife/
Amazon Electronic: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BKTZ97PQ
Amazon Paperback (print): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BJN2YB81
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/2940165950469
Gardners Extended Retail: https://www.gardners.com/Search/KeywordAnonymous/eBook?Keyword=9781005565688
Kobo Adult: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/Search?Query=9781005565688
I’m Larry Archer, a simple writer of smut stories in both print and electronic format. Foxy and I are swingers in real life, and I write about the things we do and see. While the Lifestyle is not for everyone, it’s been fun for us. My smut is explicit and hardcore but with a somewhat plot. My porn stories are generally positive and fun as this reflects how enjoyable swinging has been to us. If you’re interested in checking out my stories, I publish at all the typical outlets.
X-Rated Excerpt From The Perfect Wife
Wanda looked in the kitchen cabinet, and as she already knew, the cupboard was bare. But it was no laughing matter. They had barely gotten moved in when Tony had to leave for London unexpectedly. As a troubleshooter, he often traveled to one of his company’s worldwide offices on short notice. Now, Wanda was stuck in a strange town without a car and hungry to boot.
They had moved into The Towers yesterday in a comedy of errors. Their moving truck broke down in Arizona, and virtually everything beyond what was in their suitcases was somewhere in Arizona for God knows how long. Wanda and her husband Tony had purchased the condominium in the exclusive complex right off the famous Strip in Las Vegas. Tony had decided to buy this place, a little city inside the world’s entertainment capital.
“You’ll never have to leave the property,” Tony told her. “Everything we could ever need is here at The Towers. Restaurants, bars, gym, tennis courts, and security like Fort Knox, so I don’t have to worry about you when I’m out of town.”
She thought to herself that we now have everything except food in the kitchen.
Her only choice was to go to the complex’s restaurant and get something to eat. I wish Tony were here, She thought as she didn’t relish the idea of eating alone. Wanda was shy and uncomfortable in public situations. She relied on Tony’s outgoing personality to help her through challenging situations with strangers. But the bottom line was that she was starving to death!
Digging in her suitcase, Wanda found a blouse and skirt to wear. She had a clean pair of underwear, but her bra was covered in oil from a bottle of lotion that had cracked in the suitcase. Standing in front of the mirror, dressed in just her panties, Wanda appraised her breasts. She wished her boobs were bigger, but at least they were perky and didn’t sag.
She was tall with a slender body and long legs. But short brown hair and brown eyes didn’t add much, yet Wanda never knew what to do with herself. She often wondered what Tony saw in her as he was a hunk, and girls were always after him. I’m just a Plain Jane or Plain Wanda, She thought as she buttoned her blouse over her braless jugs.
Hopefully, no one will notice I’m not wearing a bra, she thought as she tried to figure out how high to button the blouse. Tony always wanted her to dress in a more sexually provocative manner, but she was too timid. Wanda finally decided to leave the top two unbuttoned. It showed a little cleavage but not too much. Stepping into the A-line skirt, she zipped it up and stepped in front of the mirror. I forgot how short this skirt is, she told herself, remembering how much Tony loved it. He told her what great legs she had and always encouraged her to show off more.
Slipping into some modest heels, she walked to the elevator. After taking a deep breath, pressed the button for the ground floor. Following the signs, she walked to the restaurant and entered. Two women were already waiting, a tall brunette and a big redhead. From the back, Wanda could see that they were knockouts. Both girls were in ultra-short mini dresses that barely covered their rear ends. The brunette had long slender, well-toned legs, with a big head of curly brunette hair. The redhead was stockier with more of a body builder’s statue.
Wanda timidly stood behind the two girls and waited to be seated. The hostess came rushing up from somewhere and addressed the two women, “Hey, Foxy and Chrissy. Sorry to make you wait.” Then seeing Wanda standing behind them, “Three for lunch?”
“No, two,” Foxy replied and then looked at Wanda. “Wait, are you alone?”
“Yes,” Wanda timidly replied.
Foxy said, “Three for lunch.” Then stepping aside, she motioned for Wanda to follow the hostess. The three of them followed the hostess, which was a prolonged affair. Foxy stopped and talked to a number of the other guests. It seemed like she knew everyone, and Wanda wished she could be that confident in public. She met a bunch of people and immediately forgot their names as the next group was introduced.
Sitting at a four-top with a fabulous view of the Strip, Wanda saw that the front view was even more impressive. Foxy was wearing a wrap minidress that was open below her breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra either, as the top of the dress gaped open, and her nipples were prominently poking through the thin top. And her girlfriend, Wanda, didn’t know if she should be afraid or not. The redhead looked like she’d just stepped out of a cage fight on Monday Night Raw. She had large boobs, also unfettered, that threatened to spill out of her top. But it was her body that caused a shudder to move through Wanda. Chrissy was about the same height as the brunette but with a solid frame that initially made Wanda think of a bodyguard. Chrissy wasn’t fat but a big solid muscular girl.
Foxy, the curly-headed brunette, looked at Wanda, asking, “I thought I knew most of the people in our tower. Do you live here?”
“We just moved in yesterday. Then my husband got sent to London in the middle of the night,” Wanda explained. “We flew in from St. Louis, and our moving truck is broken down somewhere in Arizona or New Mexico. I forgot where and I’m stuck here with virtually nothing to wear and no food in the kitchen to eat.”
“Your husband is in London?” Chrissy asked. “I can’t believe he left a gorgeous woman like you home alone.” With a warm smile, the big redhead reached over and stroked Wanda’s arm with her fingertips. Her touch made Wanda react viscerally, and she tried to command her body to relax. All alone in a strange city, these emotions threatened to overwhelm her with feelings she didn’t understand.
“Are you Foxy’s bodyguard?” Wanda asked as she warmed to the big redhead, who seemed very easygoing. She could tell that the tall big-haired brunette was an “A” type and spent most of her time bouncing off the walls. Still, Foxy seemed nice and noticed that Wanda was uncomfortable with strangers and welcomed her into their little group.
“No,” Foxy laughed. “Chrissy is our girlfriend and lives with us. She’s certainly big enough to be a bodyguard, but no, Chrissy is harmless, except maybe when she’s around someone as gorgeous as you!”
“I didn’t mean that she is fat!” Wanda apologized. “I tend to make incorrect assumptions under stress. I don’t do well in crowds, and being here alone is one of my worst fears!”
“Hey, no harm, no foul!” Foxy laughed. “Let’s start over. I’m Foxy. My husband Larry and I live here in this tower, and Chrissy is our long-term girlfriend and my husband’s arm candy. We all moved here from the Midwest like you and Tony.”
“Arm candy?” Wanda asked with a confused look on her face.
Chrissy and Foxy both laughed, then the big-haired brunette replied, “I can see you’re not used to the big city. Arm candy is what we call a beautiful woman at your side!”
“Oh!” Wanda replied as the term slowly started to sink in. “So her job is just to look good for you?”
Chuckling, Foxy replied, “That’s close enough for the short answer. Larry makes decent money, and having two good-looking women on your arm is better than just one. With Larry, it’s all about face.”
“Face?” Wanda asked as all these new terms were starting to overload her mind.
“Larry is a multi-generational Texan and, like a true Texan, wants everything to be bigger than real life. Face is the term he calls your outward appearance to the world, as in putting on your best face. Larry fights the battle of the Alamo and against carpetbaggers every day.”
The waitress took their food and drink orders and then disappeared. Wanda took a deep breath and tried to center herself. The two beautiful women seemed nice enough, and it would be good to meet some people. Everyone seemed to know them, and she relaxed as her stress level ramped down. She could feel the dampness spreading between her legs as the abundance of boobage kept stealing her thoughts.
Wanda smiled at Foxy, “I appreciate you taking me under your wing. This is all so upsetting to me. Tony usually handles our interests, and it’s disconcerting to be dumped here alone!”
Foxy replied, “I assume it was normal for Tony to jet off halfway around the world?”
“True,” Wanda agreed. “But, normally, everything is routine, and there’s not all this uncertainty. I don’t do well with strangers.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Chrissy said. “Foxy and I will run interference for you and take care of you until hubby returns. Besides, Foxy has never met a stranger, so stay close to her.”
Giggling, Foxy replied, “Be careful what you ask for!” Then she leaned over and kissed Wanda’s cheek.
Wanda turned bright pink with embarrassment and touched her cheek with her fingers. “Thank you, I think,” and they all laughed.
After a lovely lunch, Foxy ordered wine for the three of them, and they talked casually about nothing in particular.
“If I’m not too out of line, can I ask about Chrissy being your girlfriend? If I were you, I’d be worried about my husband being alone with her.” Wanda asked as she had to know what the deal was.
“I don’t worry about my husband, and Chrissy is the least of our problems,” Foxy said and leaned over and gave Chrissy a long passionate kiss.
Wanda didn’t know what to say as she watched Foxy’s tongue working in her girlfriend’s mouth.
Chuckling, Foxy used her thumb to wipe the lipstick off Chrissy’s mouth. Then gave her a final kiss. “See, Chrissy is my girlfriend, and Larry’s also if the truth were known.”
“Are you two lesbians?” Wanda asked, confused.
“No,” Foxy laughed. “I’m bisexual, and so is Chrissy. But, she leans a little closer to the lezzy side than I do.”
“Bisexual?”Wanda asked. What does that mean? She asked herself.
“We play for both teams,” Chrissy giggled as she ran her fingers up the inside of Wanda’s leg.
“Oh!” Wanda replied as what they were saying sunk in.
“It’s okay,” Foxy laughed. “It’s only slightly contagious, and we don’t bite. Well, not that hard anyway!”
“This is all so new to me?” Wanda replied. “You and Chrissy have sex? How does that work?”
It may or may not be related, but the Amazon Kindle site has been screwed up for about a week.
There are a set of authors who’s pages I check daily, since they will often mark down books to $0, but only for a day or so.
I have their pages bookmarked with the filter set low to high, so I can just scroll through bookmarks to see if they have anything on sale.
I’ve noticed that a lot of content is missing, in what appears to be a random fashion. Both which page is affected, and what content.
As i said, not sure if this played a role, but maybe they didn’t want to add it till they got the issue solved.
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Could very well be problems with the site. I’ve never had a review take over 2 days that I remember. Especially, when the paperback version sailed straight through.
One of the publishing steps is checking the source file. When it ran, the first message was that the manuscript was rejected due to formatting issues. The next line in the email said to ignore errors as they wouldn’t affect the conversion.
I wrote the review team and asked if the document was approved or not. They replied that there were no conversion errors. Previously, Kindle converted the Word doc file into a MOBI or AZW file format. Now, it converts into HTML which means you have a number of files that make up the story. A MOBI ends up as one file, similar to a PDF.
I tried converting the file with Calibre and it converted fine and looked okay. This may be where the problem is happening. They are using a new publishing process and it is buggy.
Glad to hear that it’s no just me.
So glad to hear you’ve gotten over that last hurdle.
Amazon seems to be messed up in general. I was trying to shop for a gift earlier today.
Much of the merchandise displayed was out-of-stock. Furthermore, the search results were all wonky. I was looking at gourmet food items, explicitly, and it was showing me books, gardening kits and all sort of other irrelevant stuff.
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Yeah, it’s a little weird. You used to be able to count on Amazon. I didn’t like some of their positions, but at least you knew where you stood. I’m still holding my breath with SmashWords after being absorbed by D2D. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they tighten up on erotica. But so far, everything seems to be okay.
As an update, it’s still screwed up, but it seems that the sort filter plays a role.
On one authors page yesterday, I noted that with it set to “low to high” only two books showed up, but if one looked at the top of the page, more than that was there.
When I changed to “Popularity” a whole bunch of more books showed up.
Of course, there’s always been a difference in how the two different types of author pages show up.
If you look at what I call the “author page”, the one that has a horizontal scroll across the top of the page, with a photo at the upper left, you can see differences compared tot he “search page”, which is what you get if you put an authors name in the search bar at the top. This is the one with just he vertical listing of the books for any given author.
I’ve noticed that it isn’t unusual for the latter to list more books, and for new publications to show up here first.
In fact the difference can be so striking that some authors I have bookmarked that page view instead of the “authors” page.
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It’s bad as there is a definite lack of transparency to their author-related sites as well as what you’ve experienced from the consumer side. I suspect a lot of this may be due to offshore support. I don’t have any issue with using cheaper labor but often people who don’t have English as their primary language seem to have problems dealing with understanding what you are talking about. It’s the nuances that trip them up.
I see the same thing when I deal with QuarkXPress. They never seem to fully understand what you are trying to tell them. With Quark, they always want to remote into your computer which scares me especially when you are dealing with someone on the other side of the world.
Of course with any vendor, their first reaction is you have screwed up, and getting past that hurdle is often close to impossible.
Yeah I went through that language issue when I reported a bug about the author page not changing the yellow “Buy now” button to “Read Now” for books you’ve purchased.
Luckily, I provide remote assistance to my company’s computer based NDE product worldwide, so I’m used to dealing with language issues.
Dealing with people from China and Korea is a piece of cake compared to oil patch roughnecks from East Texas.
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