I don’t understand why but I cannot seem to turn out dirty words on my desktop PC with twin 27-inch monitors but they flow so easily from my laptop. I started out with a MacBook Air, which is the best laptop in the world but unfortunately only has a six-hour battery or twice that of most PC laptops.

When Apple refused to listen to my cries of pain and anguish, with their decision to likely abandon the Air line to force people to move to the MacBook Pro for obscene amounts of money. They drove me back into the arms of my first lover, Windows.

I now have a new  HP x360 13.3 inch touch screen laptop with an i7 Kaby Lake 7th generation processor and 12-14 hours of battery life. So sweet, I get wood just thinking about it! It is back from the shop, never to leave my grubby hands again.

But just like the time I was in bed with a really cute blonde and she happened to mention that her husband was a Missouri Highway Patrol officer, my life flashed before my eyes. I could see myself in a ditch after “resisting arrest, while handcuffed and shot nineteen times in the back!”

She said that she had two kids and her husband had never seen her naked, which should have been my first clue that they had an unusual sex life. That was after she apologized about getting wet and seemed to be surprised when I told her that you were supposed to be wet during sex. So I’m guessing that sex with hubby wasn’t that great, otherwise, why was she having sex with me? But he probably had a big gun and the weight of “the Man” behind him.

I really hated to delete her from my contacts list but with the goal of living to collect Social Security before it goes broke, I opted for the safe route. Luckily I didn’t tell myself, “What could possibly go wrong and why would he be pissed that I was helping him with his homework?”

As a guy, I leave all the tough decisions to my little buddy as he would never steer me wrong but it was probably a good idea that I overrode his decision that time.

Speaking of pain and ladies in white, my latest smut story, “Stripper or Nurse,” is finally in the home stretch. This has turned out to be in the novel size of maybe 70,000 words or so. I’m at 60,000 words and have to write the final two scenes.

I can never seem to finish a story as my characters always ignore my commands to stop fucking and sucking. This story is going to be one of the longest I’ve ever done to date. I’ve released twenty erotic romances and maybe half-dozen are in the 50-60K word size. Typically for me, my stories normally run in the 25-40K word bracket.

Stripper or Nurse is a combination swinger and cuckold/Hotwife story. The “cuck” Tom is at our intrepid swingers strip club, The Fox’s Den, when he suffers a heart attack while watching one of the dancers prance around mostly naked.

A short excerpt from the draft version of the story:

The place was humming as the bass thumped and the walls seemed to shake from the pounding music that the strippers loved. Looking towards the backstage, Larry saw Peaches working the crowd. She was late twenties, blonde, tall and slender, with a smallish set of jugs.

Peaches hadn’t given in to the pneumatic boobs that most of the younger girls sported. She was pre-law at UNLV, and Larry was paying her tuition tab like he did for some the girls. With her smaller tits, she tended to appeal to older gentlemen, who prized quality over quantity.

Suddenly he heard a crash and watched as Peaches stopped dead in her tracks, while dressed in only a thong and stripper shoes. She looked down and then jumped off the stage, disappearing into the crowd.

Not knowing what was going on, Larry started forcing his way through the crowd that suddenly materialized in front of him. He yelled for help, but the music was so loud, security never heard him.

“Out of the way! Give me room!” Larry yelled as he pushed people apart and thrust his way towards the stage. He thought about grabbing his pistol but didn’t want to take the time to do it. Besides he didn’t see any fighting, just a bunch of people standing around gawking.

Reaching the side of the stage, Larry saw Peaches on the floor as she finished two breaths on some older guy in a suit. She was kneeling beside him, having ripped his shirt open and was now pushing on the guy’s chest, with her entire weight. “Fuck!” Larry thought. “This guy is having a heart attack!”

Turning and waving his hands, the DJ and Jack both saw him at the same time. In an instant, the room was dead quiet except for Peaches as she counted, “15, 16, 17 …” Each time she would push her interlocked fingers in the guy’s chest. He would likely have cracked ribs, but sore’s better than dead.

“911, Paramedics!” Larry yelled at the top of his lungs as he knelt down beside the stripper who was frantically working on the customer. “AED!” he yelled for someone to bring the defibrillator.

“Another one of the dancers knelt on the opposite side and counted along with Peaches. At thirty, Peaches straightened up as the other dancer gave the guy two breaths after pulling his chin forward and making sure his tongue was not in his throat.

About this time, Tiny burst through the crowd, knocking people over like bowling pins, while holding the AED above his head. Larry grabbed it and worked around Peaches, placed one pad on the guy’s chest and another on his side. Pushing the power button, he pushed on Peaches to get her to stop for a second.

The defibrillator said “Analyzing.” Then after a few seconds continued, “Shock Advised!”

Peaches yelled, “Clear,” and pressed the shock button. “Shock Applied, Resume Chest Compression’s!” After a few seconds, she double-checked for a pulse and finding none, immediately restarted chest compressions. The dancers continued to alternate giving the guy chest compression’s and breaths.

It seemed like forever but in reality, it was probably less than five minutes when the door burst open, and two paramedics ran in. The crowd was yelling and pointing to the guy on the floor, and they quickly dropped down to their knees and started assessing the guy.

“Keep giving him compression’s and breaths,” one paramedic told Peaches. He didn’t seem to think anything unusual of two virtually naked girls working on a guy in a suit. They quickly hooked up oxygen, started an IV, and connected their cardiac monitor.

Just when things seemed to quiet down, the door burst open again and in rushed two firefighters and two cops. The firefighters had a stretcher and quickly unfolded it alongside the guy.

One paramedic leaned back and in a relieved voice, “Everybody relax, his heart’s beating on its own.” As they finished moving the guy to the stretcher, Larry put his arm around Peaches and the other dancer. “You girls did good!” he told them, then kissed each girl on the forehead.

A few minutes later in the story, we find Peaches and the other dancer in the dressing room, trying to wind down as the adrenaline rush burns out:

Finding Peaches and her fellow dancer still bouncing around, Larry gave each girl a thousand dollars and his thanks for saving a customer. Peaches laughed and said, “It was pretty funny in a way. I’m on top of this guy, doing chest compressions when he opens his eyes and spots my tits right in his face. Then he asked me, ‘Am I in heaven?'”

“So, I laughed and told him, not on my watch you don’t. Plus, I didn’t get my tip yet.”

Peaches continued, “He tried to laugh but grabbed his chest. I told him to relax and get well so he can come back to see us.”

The story has a lot of twists and turns but we see his hot MILF wife end up getting seduced by Foxy and Larry, while it’s caught on tape. You’ll have to read the story to find out how her husband reacts to seeing his sweet innocent wife in a threesome getting her lights drilled out.

Spoiler: You should already realize that he’s going to love being a cuckold with a Hotwife, who everyone wants.