“So, what’s it like to party with swingers? They are all perverts, I bet?”

A straight friend asked me the other day after discovering that my wife and I are swingers. Like most in the lifestyle, we try to separate our party life from our straight life, as non-monogamy is still not accepted in America.

My friend is a fellow photographer, and while we were looking at each other’s pictures. He accidentally clicked on the wrong folder, which contained images from a house party, exposing our sordid alternate lifestyle.

Like a dog with a bone, my buddy had a million questions as he fantasized about swapping wives.

“So, you guys go to orgies and screwing each other’s wives?”

My friend’s perception of swinging and swingers isn’t much different from conventional wisdom. The idea that swinging is a never-ending orgy of sweaty bodies is still common in our society. However, this doesn’t reflect what swinging really is. Additionally, the notion that swinging is part of a deviant, liberal plot to corrupt morals and ruin civilization is often promoted by the media. I’ve heard people compare swingers to “those weirdoes on the Springer type shows.” On TV, swingers were depicted as people whose relationships were falling apart and who resorted to “cheating” or swinging as a last effort to save failing marriages. Of course, the host had a quick fix: to stop this deviant behavior and protect the sanctity of marriage, these misguided individuals needed to cease their dysfunctional actions.

So, who are swingers and what are they like? Individuals and organizations in popular culture and scientific communities have attempted to answer that question, often with a particular bias that shapes their evaluation. Swinger friendly articles tend to show swinging in the best light possible, popular media shows the vagaries and pitfalls of swinging while the scientific-research community, which has little contact with the swinging community, really doesn’t have a clue either way.

First, swingers are just like anyone else. They are like you and me: our friends, our neighbors, and coworkers, teammates, or club friends. Some are doctors, others are car mechanics, cops, nurses, physicians, librarians, politicians, accountants, clergy, devout religious people, hairdressers, and military personnel. In a nutshell, swingers are not a special breed of individuals that display a membership mark that identifies them to others as different.

But, there’s something that distinguishes swingers from everyone else in our society, and that something is an open attitude toward relationship commitment and sexuality in general.

The following is a snapshot of “who” and “what” of swingers, and it seems to be in line with most swingers we’ve met since being in the lifestyle. 

The demographic profile of swingers suggests that they are predominantly white, between 36 and 55 years of age, mostly college-educated, married for at least 11 to 20 years, and have an average household income of middle and upper middle income brackets. Many professions and occupations were represented, from blue-collar and white-collar workers to individuals with advanced professional degrees. Some were self-employed; others worked in public organizations such as health facilities and educational institutions.

The men are, for the most part, heterosexual, although about 10 percent did consider themselves bisexual. The majority of the women considered themselves bi-curious, or bisexual. Female bisexuality is accepted within the swinging lifestyle; however, male bisexuality is not common in our crowd. Perhaps one of the reasons why women are attracted to swinging is the opportunity to express their bisexuality in a safe and accepting environment.

Most of the swingers we know are married or cohabiting, the great majority have been in a relationship for over 10 years, and for many, this is their first marriage. A small number had been married more than once. Most have been swinging anywhere between three years and 12 years, which suggests that swinging, overall, adds to the longevity of the marital relationship. Anecdotally, divorce is almost non-existent among our swinger friends.

Since swingers are often characterized as having a more permissive attitude towards sexuality, a trait commonly linked with individuals who hold liberal social views, one might expect swingers to be more “liberal” in their social and political affiliations. From my experience, swingers’ political views span the entire political spectrum. It appears that swingers are not a politically uniform group. Instead, they hold diverse political beliefs, ranging from social conservatism to liberalism and socialism, with some holding no political views at all. Interestingly, among all political categories, Republicans represent the largest group.

Swingers tend to group in similar socio-economic groups, like “straights” do in my experience. Foxy and I have visited clubs across the country and find they all have a lot of similarities. Most reasonably sized cities have a club or group of swingers that can be located with some careful sleuthing.

Privacy is the one common theme that runs through all of us. You never ask someone about their family, job, or personal life. Last names are never used, and couples are known by their first names only. We are often referred to as “Foxy and Larry” when talking about or introducing us to others. Of course, with close friends, the details are known, but that only happens over time and trust.

The one question you’ve had on your mind is, “What about the orgies?”

Yes, we have orgies, but swinging is much more than just fuck’n and suck’n, as we say. Certainly, there are those among us who will shudder every time we hear a locomotive whistle, but swinging is much more than pulling a train.

The same couples often throw house parties, and so you quickly figure out the type of house party they will host. Often, a party looks like your typical cocktail party, except that people will disappear for an hour or so. At some parties, you basically take your clothes off at the door and get in a pile. Couples can decide whose party meets their needs, but there is something for everyone.

One thing that is common is the acceptance of most kinks. While you may not enjoy a particular aspect of the lifestyle, you shouldn’t ding someone just because they like an activity you don’t.

For ourselves, our experiences have been positive, and we’ve been in the lifestyle for most of our marriage. While not right for everyone, it’s been fun and fulfilling for us. I’ve been writing erotic stories about our travels through the swinging world for almost thirteen years.

I want to give a shout-out to Lisabet Sarai, who is having her monthly Charity Sunday posting, which benefits a needy cause. Big Brother Mouse is a grass-roots primary education program in the Southeast Asian country of Laos. The passion of a few people drives the organization, but one candle can kindle many others. They’ve grown tremendously since I started supporting them few years ago. They now have over 2700 students. And they’re starting work on a new school, Little Deer.

If you visit her blog at: https://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com/2025/07/charity-sunday-education-means-hope.html and leave a comment, Lisabet will make a donation. You can also check out her erotic stories.

I’m Larry Archer, and I write erotic stories for the huddled and yearning masses. Foxy and I are swingers in real life. I write about what we do and see, especially swingers, unicorns, Hotwives, and cuckolds. While the Lifestyle is not for everyone, it’s been fun for us. My smut is explicit and hardcore, but with a somewhat plot. Larry Archer’s porn stories are generally positive and fun, as this reflects how enjoyable swinging has been to us. If you want to check out my stories, I publish them at all the popular outlets. Larry Archer’s erotic romance stories are available in electronic, paperback, or audiobook format.

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