As part of the knuckle-dragging male species, I am continually surprised about my lack of knowledge of people of the feminine persuasion. For example, today, April 23rd, is National Vagina Day, and while I’ve knelt at the altar many times, I never realized it had an actual holiday.
When you pay homage to a king, you kiss his ring, and I’m assuming you can figure out where this sentence is going?
In my youth, before the old ball and chain, I did my best to help a number of married men with their homework. One fair lass, I remember, was a cute little blonde with a hubby and three kids. One night we were lying in bed after I had coveted my neighbor’s wife, and she told me that I was the first person to see her naked with the lights on.
“Wait?” I spoke. “You’ve had three kids, and your husband has never seen you naked?”
She went on to tell me that she would undress in the bathroom with the door closed, and he had never seen more than a shadow of her beautiful body. This was the same girl who apologized after the first time we had sex for getting wet. She said that had never happened to her before.
While I realize that I’m a well-hung stud muffin, it was a shock to discover that there are people in the world whose lack of knowledge about what goes on down there is profound. When I see how screwed up the world is, I wonder how could this have happened? But then I pick up the paper to read how the governor and state of Florida have banned forty-plus math books for promoting CRT. I guess if we close our eyes and pretend gays don’t exist, they will go away? The senator from my great state of Texas claims that Micky Mouse and Pluto are bumping uglies on top of the gay math books.
After all, if Darwin is correct, all the breeding that results from he’ing and he’ing and she’ing and she’ing will ensure that the gay gene will be bread out of our race within a few thousand years.
It is scary to think that such ignorance still prevails in our age of enlightenment. However, as a resident of Las Vegas, otherwise known as Sin City, it is interesting to discover the differences between the “locals” and the “tourists.” Most people assume that we spend our lives drinking, gambling, and fornicating, but the exact opposite is true.
Once you venture beyond the Strip, a significant majority of the people are highly conservative, and this is one of the holdout states who believe the wrong president was elected.
So, as you go about coochie day, remember not to drop the soap, especially if Pluto is around.
I’m Larry Archer, a slinger of smut and writer of erotic stories in electronic and paperback form for your wanking pleasure. My mother always told me if I didn’t stop, I’d go blind, so I decided just to do it until I needed glasses. Funny that it doesn’t seem to be getting worse?
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