Swinger Stories Compilation #1 is three of my popular wife swapping stories bound together in a single 650-page paperback. This was my first experiment publishing a long print book and was yet another learning experience. Like when you touched a hot stove to see if it was really hot.
My experiment into creating print books is also getting expensive. The love-hate relationship with QuarkXPress continues unabated as I struggle to understand why Quark is an unforgiving and insidious bitch. Apparently, I’m the first one to discover this, as usual, because it seems that Quark also hates PhotoShop. Or maybe it’s the other way around, except it’s me with my finger on the hot stove.
I believe that Quark has a memory leak that Depends can’t solve. I’ve maxed out the memory in my desktop to 32 Gb, and that seemed to help. So, I decided to attempt to solve the problem with my typical last-ditch method, throwing money at the problem.
Being a computer nerd at heart, I’m replacing my computer with a Hewlett Packard workstation which can be expanded to 96 Gb of RAM to see if that helps. The 12-core Xeon processor will also allow me to watch more porn to wile away the unproductive hours.
The base model came with 32 Gb and has already seemed to improve Quark’s annoying habit of the display going blank. However, the Xeon E5-2697 v2 processor is designed to perform CAD drawings and rendering, which involve huge amounts of memory. That may be helping, but when my 64 Gb of additional RAM shows up next week, we’ll see.
My hope is that Quark and PhotoShop can coexist at the same time. Yesterday, while assembling my latest tome, I had Quark, PhotoShop, and CorelDRAW all running simultaneously without a problem. That was almost enough to make me stop and jerk off. I asked my wife to give me a blowjob to help me concentrate, but she says being under the desk makes her claustrophobic. Plus, she’s afraid that she’ll bang her head on the desk, which may knock some sense into her.
My conversion process for converting a single eBook into paperback is down to two hours or less, now that I’ve worked out the kinks in the process. Combining three stories into one paperback was a little more challenging. I realized that I could simply grab each paperback’s body files and insert them unchanged into the compilation.
Microsoft WORD used to have the ability to assemble document files into one large file, which was handy. This ability seems to have gone away with the newer versions. Quark has a “Book” feature that allows you to assemble multiple sections into one combined output file.
The cool part about this is that the formatting for each section can be completely different. For example, a typical story has forematter, body, and backmatter. The forematter is the title, copyright, TOC, and dedication (front part of the book). The body is the actual story, and the backmatter is the fluff added to the back of the story.
Breaking the story down into its individual parts makes it easier to format each section properly. Then it’s a simple matter of creating a Book project and adding the sections. Quark will then assemble them into one PDF ready for printing.
When you submit a paperback book to Amazon, one of the steps is a print review process. Amazon will process your book and create a final version of how it will look. During the Review process, you can check to ensure everything is within the printable boundaries of the paperback.
Naturally, Amazon complained about four pages that were outside the margins. I had to stop and look at the pages to see what the heck I had done wrong. I discovered it was an incorrect Master page. The Master page is the template for formatting how each page looks, and I had accidentally used the wrong template. I would have said that I fucked up, but as a sophisticated author of erotic stories, I’m above using four-letter words as a substitute for being inarticulate.
I’m waiting for Amazon to either bless me with their wholehearted approval or knee me in the gonads after reviewing Swinger Stories Compilation #1. Then I can hopefully order my author’s copy for final review or go back to the drawing board and fix their nitpicking.
I’m Larry Archer, just a simple writer of disgusting, filthy stories of people taking off their clothes and lying in a pile. It’s sort of like when South Park says their show is not suitable for viewing by anyone.
P.S. When I flipped over to post this on my blog, I got an email from Amazon, and they have sprinkled holy water on my story and approved it for general distribution to my loving fan base locked away in the basement. My very own copy is now on order, and you can get one also at https://kdp.amazon.com/amazon-dp-action/us/dualbookshelf.marketplacelink/B09TDW8451
Better yet, order from Kinky Literature, and you can give them some love too. Remember, you pay the same price at Kinky Literature for all the best smut around. The link to order from Kinky Literature is below: